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CITYSunTimes Web Exclusives November 2010 | Read the full SECTION
YOUTH & EDUCATION
Good Or Bad? Regardless, “It” Is Here To Stay
By Frances Mills-Yerger
More households in the U.S. have five televisions than have one television. Does that shock you? How many do you have in your home? Then take a moment to begin to count the computers, cell phones, electronic games, CD players, Satellite, XM Radio, HBO, iPod, etc. How many of us use e-mail daily, text, Twitter, Blog and have Facebook accounts, etc.? No matter what we choose for our own personal pleasure, social networking and social media are here to stay.
Many parents today feel somewhat “webbed out” of their kid’s electronic life. As each new product surfaces this iGeneration is growing up with the advancing knowledge of how it serves many of their needs to connect and it actually feels socially normal to them. And as the kids become teens, the social networking is so attractive to them because it feels exclusive to them. As challenging as it is to parents, the way they socialize may very well show in time that they are developing “normal” social skills. During the teen years a major part of development is all about establishing independence from your parents and becoming an individual. Think back to your teen years….
There must have been something on television or some kind of music that defined your generation that your parents did not “get.” That probably made it even more attractive to you and your friends. This is the same idea…a new kind of media that most parents just don’t take part in. Seeing your kids taking ownership of something new is developmentally normal, and that should comfort you.
Because this mode of communication is so new, research has not had time to identify any long-term effects it might have on social skills. For some kids, using virtual social environments actually helps improve their social skills. So before we assume the worst, notice that the vast majority of young people’s interchange in these environments is benign and social in nature.
Obviously if a kid is using it excessively or strongly objects when you put some limits on use then this could be a sign of potentially addictive behavior. Kids need to have enough time left over during their growing years to pursue a wide variety of experiences and be building their personal relationships that strengthen their emotional intelligence. It is crucial that we provide kids with an environment that allows them to develop their social and emotional skills so they can grow up to be fulfilled adults in challenging careers and satisfying relationships. As parents and significant adults you must jump on those teachable moments that occur naturally in your day-to-day life, moments that enable you to discuss moods, conflict resolution, events and managing feelings. Creating at home an atmosphere that provides support for one’s social and emotional learning can make a huge difference in a kid’s life.
Frances Mills-Yerger, Ph.D. is a retired marriage and family therapist and is the founder, facilitator and program director of Workshops for Youth and Family based in Scottsdale, where she inspires confidence-building character through workshops. For information , visit orho.org or call 480.882.6011.
YOUTH & EDUCATION Web Exclusives | CITYSunTimes November 2010