Youth & Education - Dr. Frances Mills-Yerger [CITYSunTimes May 2010]

What? Our Kids Are Stressed?!

How is it that in the world we live in, with all its choices, freedoms and privileges for children that they constantly report feeling “stressed out”? Most of their needs appear to be met when you look at them, but more often, in a conversation you can bet that they will share how much stress they actually feel. Kids feel stress long before they grow up. Many children have to cope with family conflict, divorce, financial struggles, constant changes in school, neighborhoods and child care arrangements, peer pressure and sometimes, even violence in their homes and communities.
The impact of a stressor depends on a child’s personality, maturity and style of coping. It is not always obvious, however, when children are feeling overtaxed. Kids often have difficulty describing exactly how they feel and the stress goes unnoticed. Instead of saying “I feel overwhelmed” they might say “my stomach hurts.” Some cry, become aggressive, talk back or become irritable. Others may behave well but become nervous, fearful, clingy or panicky. It is common that stress can affect the physical health as well. Kids complaining of headaches, gastrointestinal illnesses and asthma can be precipitated by stressful situations.
As adults, we can look at our own stress levels because the best predictor of children’s coping is how well their parents cope. If there is frequent fighting at home and marital conflict, parents must clue in on how unsettling this is for their children. Parents can help their children learn to keep the harmful effect of stress at a minimum by keeping communication lines open and helping the kids develop close friendships as well as schedule play dates, sleepovers and other fun activities. No matter how busy their schedule, children of all ages need time to play and relax. Children use play to learn about their world, explore ideas and soothe themselves.

Frances Mills-Yerger, Ph.D. is a retired marriage and family therapist and is the founder, facilitator and program director of Workshops for Youth and Family based in Scottsdale, where she inspires confidence-building character through workshops.
For information , visit orho.org or call 480.882.6011.

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CITYSunTimes Web Exclusives May 2010 | Read the full SECTION

YOUTH & EDUCATION

Preparing Your High School Student For College

By Dr. Raymond J. Huntington

Preparing Your Student for College Taking college entrance exams, researching and applying for financial aid and scholarships, visiting colleges and meeting admissions counselors – by the time a student reaches his or her junior year of high school, there is certainly a long list of to-dos to prepare for the college search and application process. Your teen’s guidance or college counselor will assist him or her each step of the way, and perhaps you have taken on that role as well – making sure he or she takes an entrance exam preparatory course, writes a compelling essay and does everything in between.
When it comes time to finally send your teen off to live on one’s own for the first time however, perhaps you can’t help but panic. You might question your teen’s self-motivation or organizational skills, or his ability to handle college-level coursework. Sure, she might have performed well in high school, but how will your teen fare without you nudging her out of bed in the morning?
Here are five ways to help your teen prepare for college:

Raise a reader. Many college courses require heavy reading, so encouraging your child to read from an early age will benefit him or her greatly in the long run. Students who read regularly (both for pleasure and for school) communicate more effectively and have a stronger comprehension ability and vocabulary.

Help your child become a better writer. Students who struggle to write coherently and clearly may find college overwhelming, as many college classes require reports, essays and other written projects. However, not all children take to writing at a young age, so it is important to help your child fine-tune this skill by the time he or she reaches high school. At college and beyond, writing is a necessity.

Teach your child to be organized. Research shows that students who are organized do better in school, so promote this skill from the time your child starts kindergarten. Your teen should use a planner or calendar to track his or her homework and other responsibilities. Teach him or her to keep a tidy desk and room, and to have a place for everything: books, graded assignments, school folders and more.

Teach your child about good time management. College students may be experiencing freedom for the first time in their lives, and it isn’t uncommon for such independence to promote bad habits, such as skipping classes and procrastinating. Your teen will be much more successful at college – and much less stressed – if he or she has mastered the concept of time management. You can help your high school student by teaching him or her to establish a routine (try a family calendar in the kitchen, and be sure your teen has and uses a day planner) and by encouraging prioritization and goal setting.

Talk about college early. It’s never too early to plant the “college seed” in your child’s mind, letting him or her know that getting into college will require hard work and dedication, and that once he or she is there, the workload will be much greater than in high school. Be sure your teen understands that college professors will expect him or her to think critically, be attentive and work independently.

Going to college is a major transition for your teen, and the preparation should begin even before he or she reaches high school. Work with your teen to instill good study habits and time management practices so that when he or she arrives at college, your teen will be comfortable balancing a variety of fun activities and school priorities. Remember: getting into college isn’t enough. Help your teen be ready for a significant and exciting life change.

Dr. Raymond J. Huntington and Eileen Huntington are co-founders of Huntington Learning Center, which has been helping children succeed in school for more than 30 years. For more information, contact the local Huntington center at 480.538.5398 or visit huntingtonlearning.com.

YOUTH & EDUCATION Web Exclusives | CITYSunTimes May 2010